A truly inspirational day at Family Futures today, the first for some months where we have all been there together at the same time. I think it worked well because we have had a couple of good days at home leading up to it and because we were all very clear and honest right from the beginning. Of course, we always try to be honest but we sometimes get distracted; we do not always manage to talk about the right things at the right times and that can mean that whole swathes of our family experience are not fully appreciated or understood by our therapists.
A lot of our issues at home stem from the fractious, physical, competitive and therefore very stressful relationship between Blueboy and the Dood. This stems from 2 years (on and off) neglect and abuse at the hands of their birth family, another 2 years (on and off) in and out of various foster families (all wonderful people, but lots more trauma just from all the moving around and at the same time, ongoing and intermittent contact with birth family) and now, in the past five and half years with us, every positive action and reaction is potentially sabotaged by us (and them) unknowingly restimulating the awful feelings and experiences they once had years ago. Even after 5 years, Blue feels that the Dood should belong to him, that he is her carer, that she should answer his every call. He even howls out to her like a wolf when he is desperate and expects her to come running (which, to be honest, she usually does). He also resents her, particularly when she is able to thrive and be happy without his input or say-so, while he is feeling so miserable.
So it was something of a watershed today when, after their separate sessions, they came back together before lunch and told each other openly how much they loved each other and what was hard. Dood admitted that she finds it difficult to express her feelings and Blue even apologised – both big breakthroughs! The Wave said it was like the Dragons Den, when a dragon makes an offer and the entrepreneur accepts and everyone feels a sense of relief. I think it was more like seeing the Berlin Wall start to come down, or Obama reelected. Hooooooray! It led to some pretty crazy bouncing around during lunch hour but at least there were lots of soft mats, huge cushions and giant gorillas for them to jump into while the Wave and I sank into a bed sized bean bag and left them to it.
It’s not going to change everything overnight, but it is amazing how much better we all feel for a good day spent in each others’ company. More, more, more please Northern Metropolitan Funding Body! We need more good days and we KNOW this is helping!